Above photo: Tristin age 5 and Bella age 2
One of the areas that God has been speaking to me about lately is teaching my children self control. We have always talked about the fruit of the spirit and using their fruit. When I notice someone not using their fruit I ask if they have rotting fruit. One of the main things that we discuss pertaining to their fruit is self control. Children are not commonly know for their ability to control their emotions and reactions. I have always explained what is expected of my children and remind them when their "self control" (poor reactions or temper tantrums) are out of line with those expectations.
Obedience in and of itself, is not self-control. I can control my children's external response but that is all. I can take them to church and read the Bible to them but I can't make them love God. I can forbid they speak hurtful things to their siblings but I can't demand they not think them.
It has really been on my heart lately that my children can't possibly practice self control if I am the one controlling them. My kids need to know how to make healthy decisions for themselves. They need to know that it hurts them as much as it hurts someone else to have negativity spoken over them. They need to be able to say one cookie is enough and I need to be the person to explain moderation and nutrition to them. It will mean a lot more work for me but there is nothing more worthy of my time and energy than truly training my children. If I am continually deciding for my kids and not giving them the chance to make a good decision then I am failing them. If I decide how they react to every situation; what will happen when they are no longer under my control. I don't expect that the outcome would be favorable.
As a parent it is my job to make sure that they have the space they need to make mistakes. I pray that God gives our family opportunities to practice true self control. I realize that this could be a very dangerous prayer for a family with six kids but I know that God will be faithful to lead us each step of the way.
2 comments:
I really appreciate your honesty on this subject. I especially feel like when our kids are with others we expect them to act even better. I know I set my own son up for failure with my expectations of him sometimes and I need to be willing to not be so harsh. God gives me grace so why can't I extend the same? Wonderful post!
Thanks Erin, I had such a hard time putting my thoughts into writing for some reason. But I really felt I needed to write it our if only for myself. Yes, I totally do that. I parent using too much law and not so much grace sometimes. We are comitted to being parents who model Christ's love for us to our children. We aren't totally there yet but God is giving us plenty of opportunities to practice! Lol!
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