Heart Issues

This year God has lead our homeschool in such a crazy direction I never saw it coming. School had became a great source of tension and frustration in our household. I really started searching out my motives for homechooling. When I really dug deep, beyond my perfectionist side, I found Jesus at the root. I was so focused on getting everything done that I had began overlooking their hearts. I was yelling ugly at my precious son, yelling ugly at my sweet little girls who were talking just a bit loudly, disrupting their brothers lessons. I was the issue, not my kids, not our curriculum. It was my heart. I just wanted to get the work done so we could check it off our list, I wanted to feel like we were accomplishing things.

It wasn't until I began really contemplating stepping off the homeschool carousel that God showed me that my expectations were way off. Not just my expectations to get the work done but more importantly I was expecting more than my son was capable of. In the process, I was crushing any love for learning he had left. I hadn't taken into account that my son has some vision issues far beyond what we originally thought. He has always had some issues with number and letter reversals but I hadn't realized that it might actually be dyslexia. For some reason, this year it has became very clear. Not only are there written reversals but blending reversals. Ahhh....the root of the reading issue became crystal clear. I have been pushing so hard for something that without the proper tools I wasn't even able to teach him. All this sacrificing of heart and self confidence and my flesh was the issue. Not that I have been some crazy lady,he never expressed that he truly was not able to do it, just that he didn't want to read. I took him at his word (you know, because he is eight and all) and thought it was a battle of will. Oh how I wish I had let some things go and truly dug into the heart of the problem much sooner.

I am so thankful that God has brought us to where we are now. We are learning as a family with very little curriculum at all. We are still going to be using MFW for reading and we will be working through some written math. Beyond that we are going to be spending time reading the Bible, reading good literature, working off of their interest lists (more on that later), baking, taking nature walks and going on learning based field trips! I can't believe that just a few shorts months ago I had been stubborn enough to almost walk away from something I have always been so passionate about. I am so thankful that God always pulls me back in when I get off track.